Grief Over a Long Distance Relationship

Question: I am in a relationship and my significant other, has returned to his home state. This has left me emotionally drained and sad. I am hoping there is a future for us, but right now, I find it hard to get through each day without him. I find myself crying and thinking about him all the time.

He also is going through a very hard time. My self esteem is at its lowest. I need to find ways to find inner peace and strength for the both of us, and I am having a hard time doing that. I am hoping that once his life is in order again, he will ask me to come to and be with him. Do you see that this might happen for me? Can you show me the way to love myself, and give me the inner peace that I need so that my heart can heal? Thank you for your time and patience.

(Time: 7 minutes, 48 seconds)

Answer: Hello dear one! Alana feels your heart very deeply and acknowledges the passion, compassion, and dearness that exist within your heart. Alana wishes to point you in a direction to acknowledge what you are grateful for. When we are in situations where we feel such depth, we can forget to recognize what still exists in our lives. When you spend time dwelling on what isn't, a message is sent to the universe that what isn't is what really matters to you.

Begin to spend time acknowledging all that you are grateful for. You are grateful, Alana can tell this, for the relationship you have with this person. Therefore go into the gratefulness of this relationship and begin to feel and acknowledge those qualities.

Yes, along with the gratefulness there is grief and sadness, which is rich as well. Your grief and sadness point you to what matters in your nature. Alana is not discounting these qualities. What I am attempting in pointing you to your gratefulness, is to help you send a message to the universe that you wish for more opportunities to be grateful. This also will help build your self-esteem. All that you are grateful for is a manifestation that you have brought into form within your life. It does not matter whether this is gratefulness of a quality of life, or whether it is gratefulness for a physical element. It only matters that you focus your attention while bringing these elements into your heart. Bring your gratefulness into your heart.

Often in life we create situations in which we can spiritually grow. Having your significant other at such a distance is forcing you to go within. When we place our purpose and the full meaning of our identity on a relationship or something outside of ourselves, then when things change we lose the perspective of our true nature. We forget that we are benevolent beings here upon this planet desiring to become beacons of light, sharing love, sharing wisdom, sharing our hearts. We identify with what is outside of ourselves and we forget our precious natures. So again, what Alana wishes is to point you within so you can begin to remember your full nature.

Go within, review your life, and re-examine your accomplishments. Take some quiet, private time for yourself. Perhaps you'll wish to put your thoughts down on paper. As you review your life, remember all those you have helped. Look at what you have contributed with your knowledge and abilities. Notice that you have contributed much and that your presence has made a definite difference. As you do this, you’ll begin to reconstruct your identity as a significant precious being. You’ll begin to feel this vibration in your body.

You can begin to turn toward more ways of contributing to others. When we want to feel love, all we have to do is turn to another and see them through our eyes with love. Doing this brings love back to us. The world is full of opportunities to share love. Continue to extend yourself and continue to fill yourself with god's love. In this way, you will carry forth a vibration and it will assist the connection that you have with your friend as well, even though he is many miles away.

We are just a thought away from any one person. Yes, physical distance appears to create separation, and in physical there is separation. However, you are just a thought away. I already know that you can feel your friend’s thoughts and that he can feel yours.

Dear one, thank you for bringing forth this question. I hope that this answer has created encouragement for you to recognize the beauty that exists within you, as well as direction, so your presence may know itself again.

Thank you dear one.

--Alana

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By Efi

2010-11-03 21:52:32

I do agree with all above that Alana wrote and or advised the desperate person. I, also, live a common situation with my significant one, I passed through all the above mentioned conditions, states of mind and hope, faith, self-esteem and culture really are helping me to go through this situation. I' m grateful for my existence. I' m grateful for everything I have and I am. I'm grateful for having met my significant one after twelve years. I never lost my hope. So, I'm still optimistic that time is reached to live with him. I didn't loose my faith, I' m going on, I'm believing, trusting to the universe and I wish the same for all "desperate" people. Go on, trust yourself and universe, God, whatever you believe in, and your hopes and dreams will come true sooner or later. May joy be with you.

By Chandry

2010-11-07 00:27:45

Oh yes. I have felt what Alana is talking of. It is true that only going into gratitude for what is, and loving what is and sharing love with others who need it, allows the pain to ease and for the heart to expand. In fact, this is a wonderful opportunity for the heart to expand with love, though the grief sometimes obfuscates that. Thank you Alana for the re-enforcement of the idea. Thank you questioner for bringing this beautiful truth for all of us to share in and enrich our moment of now.

By Austin

2010-11-08 22:58:20

I am in love with a married lady for last four years and a few days back something went wrong, due to my straight forward nature, and she says now she doesn't love me the way she used to. We had such a brilliant chemistry between us, in fact we used to feel as if we were born for each other. We used to know what the other person was thinking and used to get a call when the other person was thinking to call etc. We initially felt that it might be telepathy but later it used to happen very often and we felt as if it was our destiny created by God. Now suddenly she had to shift back to her hometown with family, leaving me behind and this has left me emotionally drained and sad. I am hoping there is a future for us, but right now, I find it hard to get through each day without her. I find myself crying and thinking about her all the time. Although we are in touch, I miss her every moment. Please guide me.

By Ranjani

2010-11-08 22:59:14

I would like to share my humble thoughts with the lady who is suffering mentally as her better half has left her. My dear, have no fear, have faith in god. If this person is for you and you both love each other strongly, the whole universe will join you. Just relax, and please go on with your life with positive thinking. Ask your partner also to do so. I am talking with experience. Both my children had chosen their partners. They both had rough patches as they had to settle down before marriage. There were objections from father's side. But fortunately mothers in each case were very supportive and stood by them. Now they both are married to their loves and living happily. and the objecting sets of parents have reconciled to the fact and in fact they show their love openly to the new daughters in law. Be calm, relax and as Alana says count your blessings. With lots of love and best wishes.

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