Relationships

Question: Dear Alana, can you tell me what happens to certain men who become emotionally unavailable? Why are so many women attracted to them? I would appreciate any advice you could give us women on this complexing love relationship issue.

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Answer: Hello, dear one. Your question is definitely one that we could talk about for a long time. There is much information here to share. Alana will create an intention to bring essential information in the short period of time that we have now.

First of all, women are often attracted to men that are sometimes emotionally unavailable because within them they have already established a pattern that represents this kind of dynamic.

It could be that when they were little girls their parental father vibration was not as available as they wished. Perhaps they didn't feel the bond or as closely bonded as they would have liked. Perhaps their father vibration had a job and worked long hours. Therefore, they did not feel connected at the depths they wished to. It may be because while growing up they did not feel that they were able to communicate fully with both of their parents. This could create an impression within them that a partner is someone that they cannot communicate with fully. Sometimes it may be because in looking at their parents, they saw that their mother and father did not have clear communication. In this case, there was a pattern that came into their awareness because of observing their parental communications.

So, many different things can contribute to finding men that are emotionally unavailable. Usually, it is a pattern that has been established within the self. This pattern represents a way that love is expressed.

Why this occurs within men, and why men sometimes become unavailable, has much to do with the same thing. It is a pattern that they learn. What we are really talking about here is a polarity. It is a polarity within the feminine and the masculine vibrations expressing on opposing ends of the polarity. Do you see? So, yes, dear one, when an individual is emotionally unavailable, it is not much different than when an individual feels that they are unable to receive. It is one and the same.

To begin to heal this pattern is to begin to heal our inner awareness. We begin to heal beliefs that we are separate, beliefs where we feel that we must do things alone. We begin to heal beliefs that say that we are not safe if we fully surrender to another person.

This whole question is all about separation, really. It is all about the fear of losing love or the fear of having love. As we begin to release the dichotomies that exist within us, and begin to heal our own polarities within, the outer world will begin to shift and change. We will begin to attract a different type of dynamic.

Dear one, worry not about men that are not available. Turn your thoughts more to what you would like to receive. Begin to build within you an integration of self. This happens through self-love. As you do this, emotionally unavailable men will melt out of your life. New vibrations will show up that are much more in alignment with what you want to create now.

Thank you for this question, dear one. Through time, many men will begin to heal this aspect within them in much the same way. Men often have had to suppress much within them to be the provider and to be the strong one. (We could talk on and on about this.) As men heal their feminine and masculine natures within, they will become more available to themselves. Then they will be more available to others.

Thank you, dear one.

-- Alana

 

 

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Comments

 

 
By George
2009-11-14 21:13:37
 

The question I am about to place here perhaps sounds bad-creepy and against all of what is mentioned above. I am a male and actually I seriously seek ways to become completely-unavailable to any kind or relationship with women: The only contacts I want are with paid-pros or no-attachment encounters. I have noticed that all of my friends who have been unavailable had had the best treatment by women. I grew up in a family where my parents treated each other with respect and loved each other. I have been married in the past, and I was open to women but from my experience I have seen that although I enjoy talking about relationships, emotions, opening up, etc, in reality unfortunately they give a hard time to guys who treat them nicely. I am not talking being a nice-weakling, I am not desperate, but I have fallen into the trap of "communicating" and I found today that women love communication-males but they finally go with the tough-dudes, even if they are unavailable. This is not just my opinion, it is hundreds-thousands of males. Just ask and you will find out. It is a serious goal for me to be completely "indifferent" to the other person's emotional call. And frankly I don't see something wrong. We both have fun no-strings attached. Women look around anyway, searching for the best opportunity. We all are in an open outcry-flee market. Your feedback will be appreciated. Only please, in case you respond don't use the old cliche "you have been hurt in the past and such" Thank you once again.

 
By Elsa
2010-03-02 23:44:12
 

Hello George, I am a female and I somehow agree with what you have observed. I am speaking from personal experience. I grew up among females, two younger sisters and all girls education. Previously, I had a guy friend who was interested in me. He is really open and can communicate easily with me about relationships, emotions etc. He made me feel good inside and I was quite attracted in the beginning. Eventually, I chose a guy who has excellent criteria on papers but emotionally unavailable. I suffered in this relationship and we eventually broke up. However, I did some reflection and can roughly tell you why I might choose this path again even if I have a second chance. First, females are very competitive by nature, sometimes even more than men. We like to win, especially over our female friends. The more a guy is financially successful, talented, the more girls are attracted. It doesn't matter if the guy is emotionally unavailable because nobody except the girl involved need to know. One just have to tell the girlfriends how successful the partners are. We like to feel successful in our circle. Second, guys who are emotionally unavailable make decisions faster. That's why most of them are successful. I have never really come across a guy who is able to communicate about feelings and decide fast at the same time. This made us feel secure and think he has the ability to protect us. Thirdly, most women find partners whose characteristics are different from what we possess. We can easily talk about relationships and emotions to our girlfriends. If the same characteristics are dominant in a guy, it's hard to feel attracted. Lastly, these guys do not accept rubbish behaviors from us and maintain their boundaries. That's why we will not take advantage and bully them. My recommendation for your situation is not to change who you are but strengthen the masculine traits in you so that they become more dominant. Make decisions with your "head" instead of your "heart". You do not really have to be completely "indifferent", just be aware and choose actions that are more direct and logical. Overtime, the masculine traits will become second nature and stronger. That time, all the girls will flock to you and you will have many options to choose or not to choose.

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