askAlana.com Ezine — November 8th, 2011 — Issue 433
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November 8th, 2011 — Issue 433 askAlana.com Ezine “Helping you learn to trust your heart” |
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“When people share life experiences together, communication is the most significant tool for guiding the relationship to great fulfillment. Communication is a grand tool because it reveals and it releases. Communication reveals the way we think and feel, what our needs are, how we see our world. Communication allows us to release energy that gets locked up in our bodies so we can be present.” — Alana |
 Question for Alana:What can I do to improve the communication between my husband and myself? We are so alike in so many ways, yet so different in other ways. Sometimes I feel we can’t discuss anything in our relationship without arguing. We just started marriage counseling, which I feel will help. I have grown spiritually so much in the past year, but he is the only one that can still push my buttons. I want to create a calmer environment for the baby we are trying to conceive. We truly love each other, but we just get stuck sometimes. We both are a little hard headed.Alana’s Answer:Hello, dear one! Thank you for your question.Communication is very important between partners and is a skill that can be developed. And yet, often it is one of the most difficult things to do because we learn our patterns of communication as we grow up. We have patterns of that we develop within us in relationship to the way we respond with our parents and our siblings.
First of all, what the two of you can do is make a conscious effort to examine your communication patterns and see what you may be projecting onto each other. Are you communicating the way that you would with a parent? Are you communicating the way that you would with a sibling? Become aware of how you talk with one another. Next, hold the other individual as able. In other words, instead of trying to convince them to do something that you want them to do, let to them what you wish, what you desire, and what you need. Then, hold them as able. Sometimes people will dig in their heels when they feel that they are being led into something that they are not quite ready to do. Do you see? Hold others as able to create clarity, self-definition, and to know what is best for them. When you try to control another individual, you are expressing that you feel insecure. Or perhaps you are expressing that you think you have to get the other person to do something to take care of a need that you cannot meet yourself. The more that you hold yourself as able–continue to find ways to meet your needs, be whole, connect with the universe, and feel the abundance within you–then the less you will need to control the outer world. Understand that Alana is not saying that you are controlling. Alana is illustrating where habits of attempting to control can begin, how they are reinforced, and how we can all step beyond these dilemmas.
You can learn how to communicate more effectively. You can learn how to say what is on your mind. You can learn how to take care of your needs. Then, when you make requests of your partner, you can make them in such a way that you still hold them as able. Hopefully, these thoughts have given you a few pointers. Learning to effectively communicate is a lifelong series of lessons. You can learn to… To finish reading Alana’s answer, click > Relationships, Communication & Marriage Counseling |
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Read the Best from our “Body, Mind, Spirit” Sites |
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“How would your life change if you were able to remain boundlessly open to and fully present with whatever was going on?” This is the question addressed by spiritual leader Gangaji in her audio program Facing Everything: Meeting Your Life Without Resistance (Sounds True)… to continue reading, click > Gangaji Teaches How to Face Everything |
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In the field of mind-body medicine, Dr. Susan Taylor has led the way with her studies of vital energy and how this affects the body’s overall state of being. Life essence—or vital energy—is a large factor in the state of our health and well-being. This has been well-known in Eastern philosophies, and is now being acknowledged by Western scientific perspectives… to continue reading, click > Revitalize Your Life Essence |
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The key to communication is the truth—being willing to hear it, and to speak it. The ego, the head, wants to reason, wants to be right, but the heart yearns for truth. Without honesty, and above all… to continue reading, click > A Stand for Truth |
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The goal of the US Factor Relationship Program is to help couples struggling with a variety of issues that can arise in any relationship and help the couples learn how to create a happy and long lasting relationship… to continue reading, click > The Us Factor |
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Imagine a book that compiles the history, the theories, the techniques, and much more information on today’s fastest growing healing therapy: reflexology. As one of the most relaxing and safe treatments available, reflexology stimulates the body’s innate healing processes…. to continue reading, click > The Reflexology Bible |
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| The Alana Work: Helping you learn to trust your heart, since 1992. HeartCore Corporation communications are never sent as unrequested email and are only sent to subscribers. All email data is held in complete confidence and will never be shared, traded, rented, leased, or sold. We respect your privacy. Period. The diagnosis and treatment of physical, emotional, and mental disorders requires trained medical professionals. The information we provide is to be used for educational purposes only and should NOT be used as a substitute for seeking professional care for the diagnosis and treatment of any medical and/or psychiatric disorder.Copyright (c) 2011 HeartCore Corporation. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.End of Issue 433 |
Another wonderful tool for communicating is to schedule a weekly time when the two of you get together and brainstorm about what you would like to create in the coming week–things that you would like to accomplish. By becoming consciously aware of each other’s desires, you can avoid having to read each other’s minds. Do you know what I mean?
Gangaji Teaches How to Face Everything
Revitalize Your Life Essence
A Stand for Truth
The Us Factor
The Reflexology Bible
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