Relationships: "I Have Empowered my Mate but Lost Myself"
By Rhiannon Waits
You don’t need me!” Seems like a simple enough statement. However, the answer could cause pain in the future. Although innocent enough, if you ever utter the mention that you need the other – one could lose “personal power”! The fact is, we should never “need” anyone but ourselves! “Want” is a warm and wonderful word when used to describe why you are having a relationship with another! Why then, when it comes to romantic novels and love stories (some made into movies) novelist depicts the perception that a human being must “NEED” the other to survive. In reality, the most awesome feeling would be that someone wanted another in his or her life (preferably) forever.
Lets us put on our thinking caps and begin to think of some of the things that we really need to survive. I think the number one thing would be air. We cannot choose to live without air, and there is no love relationship going on with that.
The second thing we need is water. It does not matter if it comes through juice, cola, tea, or straight H2O. We can choose the assortment of liquid, and when it is to be consumed, however we all know we cannot choose to live without water entirely, because our earthly bodies need hydration to exist.
Our bodies need nourishment (Food) to create energy to exist. We need shelter to keep our body from being torn down and weakened by excessive exposure to the elements. Anything beyond these basic needs is questionable- get my point? There is a big difference between wants and needs.
When it comes to another person, we will not cease to exist without him or her. We may become sad, feel incomplete, or sink into depression, yet our basic human necessities continue to exist without them. Our lives may become more enriched; our spirits may feel more completed by another person in our life. However, my point is that another person is not “needed”.
When a point is reached in a relationship were we feel compelled, either by request or volunteer, to say we need the other member of the union, we have given up our power to love this partner voluntarily. We are, in essence, saying that we have to love you out of mere necessity or we shall surly perish, or subject ourselves to some horrible demise. How could anyone think this as a healthy situation to find oneself?
Some people need braces to facilitate walking or wheel chairs to become mobile, if having a choice; I venture that they would rather walk under their own accord! The relationships they have with these mechanical devices are in no way a relationship of loving choice.
By now, you are probably saying, “Okay Rhia please quit using that word “need and pounding the point home”. If you are not – I do hope that you have at least considered my point. If not – then go back and reread while the rest of us proceed.
A beautiful relationship is one where the other person wants you to be a part of their life, making a conscious decision to include you because they feel happy and blessed that you are there to share each-others life’s experiences. After all, you are the person they choose to be with during all of life’s “ups and downs”. They can argue with you, have differences of opinions, and still crawl up on the couch with you after a long day.
Too many people romanticize about relationships and compose them into a fantasy that most humans could never fulfill, not without end anyway. We buy books, talk to friends and read magazines; we take entirely too many relationship tests offered by “Professionals” that label our current relationships. Many women are often seen snatching the books advising on the perfect male, while the men grope through the porno magazines to gaze upon their dream woman. Once again, the fact is, the books and tapes will end, and so will the facade of perfection. Do yourself and your mate a big favor, become realistic in what is expected within a relationship. If I had to find perfection, I would start by revising what the word meant.
To me I find happiness in the fact that he is not perfect and does not expect me to be either. I love the fact we grew into a relationship that we neither over analyzed nor feel we have to be consumed by it. Yeah, he knows I think he is goofus sometimes and I know he accuses me of being a dietz. There are days he is truly anal and days I am a real bitch. Does he need me? Heavens I hope not! That would ruin my dream of being wanted.
This little lesson is about being wanted instead of needed.
Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 - 1910)
Rhiannon Waits travels the world as a motivational and spiritual speaker. Her Column,"Rhia's Corner", has been published and translated in numerous magazines through different countries. Learn more about Rhia at www.rhiannonwaits.com
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