Relationships

Alana, I am a closeted gay young adult. I have known the same guy and been dating him for almost two years. I love him so much that when he is hurt it tears me apart. Last year when moving in with two gay roommates, I made a mistake and cheated. My boyfriend found out by my roommate. That tore us apart. We went through many ups and downs. He looked on sites thinking that cheating on me would make him feel better. He never did because I caught him prior. 6 months later we were doing fine and got our own apartment. We have been here for a month and I really enjoy it. Just recently I have been having to go out of town for 2 and 3 days. My boyfriend assumes and doesn't trust me. He worries and thinks that his heart will be broken again. he felt that something wasn't right between us, I don't know why, and put a key logger, or spy system, in my computer tracking everything i did. He also posted online asking if guys have ever been with me. He didn't find anything on my computer, however, he did get a hold of my ex boyfriend who I have not talked much about. He decided to meet with him behind my back for 4 hours to talk about me and how I dumped my ex. Now since I know about it, he is all tore again. It breaks my heart. He thinks I am going to hurt him and since I haven't talked much about my past that our whole relationship has been a complete lie. As if he doesn't know anything about me. I don't know what to do. I really love this boy and want to spend the rest of my life with him. I want him to be able to trust me and for us to live happily without thinking we are cheating on each other. I really need advise. How can I let him know how much I love him and how I am never going to hurt him again? How can I get him to trust me again and forgive me for not talking about my past? I really want our relationship to work out. What should I do?

My relationship of a year and a half has ended badly. I knew in my heart that although I fell head over heels in love with this wonderful man that he and I had many issues we needed to fix for ourselves before we continued as a couple. I made the attempts to work on them and sought numerous help. In the end my insecurities got the better of me and he ended the relationship, and I am devastated and hurt. Again, I know that if I didn't love and trust myself first then I wasn't going to be able to make this relationship work. We both suffer from trust and insecurity issues. Since, I didn't act on my instinct the universe took over and the relationship ended badly. I regret not being able to work on myself before it ended, and I have been told that this was the way it had to happen and only good can come now for both of us. This is hard to take in, because I want him to contact me so that we can make amends. I know we are not meant to be together, but I can't deal with this pain I'm going through now. We both loved each other immensely and it hurts to know that we couldn't make it work. I'm trying to move on but it's very hard.

I am involved with a man of a different cultural background. We have had an on and off friendship relationship over the past 10 years. Over this past year, it has been on again. He was in the country where I am visiting about a week ago and when he left, he cried saying he would miss me so much. After he got home, he withdrew and the emails were fewer, phone calls non existent. I know his family is putting tremendous pressure on him to marry and I do not fit into their plans for their son. This I know, I have always known. So, why am I feeling so sad? Why it is that I am getting this empty feeling all of a sudden that he is not emailing me everyday? I am now beginning to wonder if it is really him I am missing, or is it the attention I am missing? How can I know for sure? I do realize that my happiness cannot come from him, that is something that has to come from within, but I still find myself checking my email every 10 minutes. Is this an ego issue? The last thing I want to be is that girl! The one who comes across as being needy. That is exactly the way I am feeling and I can't stand it. Please help.

I am always there for my ex when he needs someone to count on. He thanked me for being there, but how do I respond to him and give him some type of inspiration that I will always be there for him no matter what?

There is this guy I use to date and after almost two years he wanted to get together for a weekend was suppose to be as friends but went a little further. He made little comments to make me think he still loves me expecting me to make the same comments back well after that weekend he really has not spoken to me much. Can you give me some advise about this? I do have feelings still for him.

I have been infatuated by another girl for 5 months now. I don't know exactly how she is feeling about me but I do not think she is a very good person inside. I feel like I am absolutely in love with her and I don't want to be feeling that way anymore. It is taking over a lot of things in my life and I just want to move on and stop feeling hurt from feelings of abandonment or loneliness from not seeing her or hearing from her for less then three days. I am not sure whats best for me because she makes me feel happier then anyone else and I want to keep happy but I also want to break free from this attachment to her. Ive told her I am infatuated with her but this was not when we were sober and I am not sure If i can do it sober. She seems pleased by it but I feel there is more important things in her life other then me. Help me out a bit please.

My boyfriend of two years who used to treat me like a princess no longer has that full dedication to me. I did break his trust a few months ago, but I have been doing all I can to show him that I am ready to be dedicated to him for the rest of my life. He told me he was really considering marrying me but now he cant even see himself with me in the future. I know he still loves me so much because he shows me and tells me, however he tells me that I am not strong enough yet and that I need more time to figure out things and he needs to focus on himself. I am trying to only give him happiness in his world, however he has been emotionally abusing me for the past few months, so I cannot help but to keep asking him questions about why he is doing what he is going. He is a great mind and has full potential for greatness and future seeking, and he is building up his skills now. I just do not know what to do anymore. How do I show him I am ready to be a wonderful girlfriend and wife?

I have been in a relationship for 3 and a half years. I love him so very much and I can't see my life without him. I'm 21 and he is 29, but I feel that he doesn't love me like he used to. He always wants his friends around, as if he doesn't enjoy spending time with me. We have been living together for two years, but I feel like I hardly see him anymore. He has started drinking excessively. He is letting his work slide. We fight constantly,and he always apologizes profusely and says that he will stop, and stop messing around, and that he loves me very much. I don't want to keep getting hurt, but I can't move out, I'm not strong enough to be without him. He is my everything. I don't know what to do.

Hi Alana, I am a 55 year old woman who lived married for twenty three years lonely and sad then met the love of my life and lived happy for a few years before he died. He was and still is my darling love but I am now lonely after six years of grieving. Do you feel that I can attract a good man into my life even on a casual basis again? Thank you for your insight and love. I talk to my love and myself in spirit but grieve gets in the way of hearing answers, thanks.

I love my boyfriend, and I know he loves me. But I have a trust issue, and I'm always accusing him of things he is not doing. I know it's because of my past relationships. How do I work on that problem because I don't want to lose him? We have a beautiful son together.

Hi Nivvy, there is every reason to believe that you will come across someone to share with again. It often happens that it comes from a direction we might not first recognize.

Hi Alana, about two months ago met a man via a singles site. He lives five-hundred miles away from me. We have corresponded through emails, daily, lengthy phone calls, and have met twice. The compatibility and the feelings all are very good. We both realize it will be some time before we could either one make a move to be together but are willing to wait it out. It all feels so right. My one concern is his relationship with his former partner of twenty-five years. He has told me they talk on the phone weekly, he has personal items still on the property they once shared, and she has asked his help to fix the place up in order to sell it and share the profit. It has been five years since they split up. I feel uncomfortable with their continued regular communications and have told him of this. He inferred jealousy and insecurity on my part. He also said she held nothing for him but friendship and no sexual spark, that he is in love with me and only me, wouldn't know what to do if he lost me. I don't think it's jealousy on my part. I only want to know that I'm not getting into with a relationship with someone who still has unfinished business with his former partner. I hope she won't be an unreasonable influence on our relationship. I realize that in this day and age with the amount of divorce and broken relationships this is not an uncommon situation. I also have close friendships with two of my former partners but I'm not in near as regular communication with them. My thoughts at this point are to take a wait-and-see approach. We are still miles apart and time away from being able to nurture and realize our fledgling dreams. I do know that if it plays out that he needs to have a continuous, regular communication with her, I will most probably find myself stepping back. Am I being unduly cautious? Thank you for your time, Nancy.

I have been married for twenty-two yrs. He is good to me, but over the years, he has mentioned an old girlfriend off and on. When we had our first child, he suggested we name her an old girlfriends name. Then we went to a wedding and I really didn't know hardly anyone and he left me sitting at a table for almost an hour till I got up and found him in the other room talking with this same woman. I didn't get mad at him or let him know I was upset, cause he claimed he broke it off with her way before he meant me, due to lack of feelings for her. Well recently we went to a birthday party, one in which I felt he really didn't want me to go, and for that reason I went and sure enough she shows up. She comes and talks to both of us, but then my husband seemed to think that I would be upset even thought I have never made a scene about her. Every where we or my husband had sit and then got up to get a drink, she went and sat where he had been. He said I am making too much of it, but he just seemed guilty. We haven't had a sexual relationship for awhile, due to a back and neck injury he suffered, and he said he lacks that desire with the medications he takes. This woman hasn't remarried but has lived with a man for 20 yrs. At the party she didn't even pay attention to him. My husband claims that he had no idea she would be there, but was so touchy with me because he said he figured I would be upset when she showed up. Now my question is do I have anything to worry about, and why would he assume I would be upset if I have never confronted him with her before. He also asked her to ask her son she had by an earlier message if he would have any positions opened, because our daughter was looking for a job. I feel confused by all this and don't even know what to think. He is sixty-one yrs. old.

A few months ago I met this man on a business trip. The connection I felt immediately was extremely powerful. I have never felt so "at home" with a man so fast. We live very far apart, and both of us are in committed relationships. I love my partner and we have a good relationship. When I returned home it was if my heart ached, but my head knows I don't even really know this man. After a few weeks this man left my thoughts until last night. The dream I had was so real, so intense. In the dream he kisses me, and the kiss was like nothing I had ever felt, ever. My heart now aches again and I am overcome with emotion all over again. This sadness and longing is really upsetting, and I can't make sense of it. It is nothing I have ever experienced before. Perhaps we were connected in a previous life? I wish I had never met him. Please help.

I have been with a guy who was my boyfriend and three months ago we broke up. I sent a message to him by e-mail two weeks ago and revealed my feelings for him, but he not only didn't reply, but also deleted it. Do you think he will come back to me, or should I move on?

Hi Farahnaz, I would move on. If he wants a relationship with you he will seek you out. It is as simple as that.