Tag Archives: values

Dealing with Self Judgment? A Meditation for Moving Into a Resourceful and Non Judgmental State

We are often told it is not good to judge others.

The guilt or shame we feel when we do can turn into negative self judgment.

We can get caught in a mental loop where we begin judging our judgments.

This state can create an emotional dam causing mental reactions that keeps us from accessing a creative state of authenticity where we have access to our inner wisdom and guidance.

The following self guided meditation can be read aloud and recorded. Be sure to include pauses between the paragraphs for reflection. Use The Heart Meditation as a guided meditation to help create a healthy emotional state where judgment transforms into a much more creative awareness: discernment.

Heart Meditation

Heart MeditationLay down or sit quietly with your hands on your heart.

Allow whatever feelings you have to rise to fuller consciousness.

Whatever your feelings are, allow yourself to have them and to just be with them.

Allow whatever is present to be present.

Take a few moments to feel them fully and allow your feelings and emotions to rise to the surface.

As you move into this feeling state remind yourself you are safe to feel what is within you, for what is within you is there to guide you. Your feelings are always valid. Your feelings hold keys to open doors that will free you from fear and self-limitation.

Connect with Your Breath

Windy FieldLike the wind blows across an open meadow and bends the seeding tassels of grass, take a moment to connect with the movement of your breath.

Now, as you inhale, allow your breath to open and feel it move deeper and deeper within your body.

As you inhale deeper with each breathe imagine you are also breathing in a beautiful radiating light.

Know this comforting light holds useful information that you will soon realize along with the essence of compassion.

Compassion for all that you are currently feeling and have experienced in the past.

Breathe in Light and Information

Radiant LightThis benevolent and comforting light is relaxing to your emotions. As you gently and deeply breathe in light and compassion you are beginning to feel a sense of tolerance and deep relaxation.

This state is connecting with your innate senses and your intuition. You are simply gaining greater clarity as this light filled information guides you to a practice of self-care.

Now you are able to remember multiple ways to create and invite self-love. You remember what it is like to nurture and love yourself just as you would any loyal and trusted friend.

The safety you feel is creating a space that allows old limiting thoughts or beliefs to float freely away from your essence…floating and rising into the distance.

Take a moment now to sense a growing new found freedom that can change your reality for the better.

Find a Magical Key

A Key to WisdomThis freedom has the ability to allow judgments to transform into discernments. Any reactions to the judgments you have held onto in the past are presenting keys that unlock a door where discernments are easily realized.

Simple ways to self nurture that help you create life with ease and magic easily emerge from your inner light.

With your breathe, you inhale a deep sense of self-love and any left over limiting judgments easily release from your physical body.

  • You easily release fears from the past.
  • Your easily let go of any fear of the future.
  • Fear you have held onto for lifetimes no longer makes sense to hold and dissipates until it is gone.

Guided by light, you now know all fear that you have held and stored has gently left and moved beyond your field creating space for new realizations.

You are now able to discern your deep innate inner needs and the values you hold dear to your heart.

Visit A Moment in Time

A moment in timeIn the minutes, hours, and days ahead the essence of your purpose will shine brighter.

Imagine a moment in time where you are free to do whatever you please while trusting the guidance of your  inner self. In this moment you realize your purpose both in your inner and outer world.

It is delightful to know that whatever excites you and allows you to thrive is possible.

Take a few moments and feel and sense what you might do, how you might be, and what you may have as you fully express authenticity and divine purpose.

Notice how all of your senses are involved. One by one your senses easily bring an image to focus that reveals your full, sparkling, light-filled essence. This is an aspect of who you really are!

Now trust that at any given future moment you can express from this newly realized light filled essence.

Spend time and look at yourself. Imagine your light filled essence as it speaks to you in a clear voice. What might it say? What words might flow from your true love-filled self.

Notice the words and how they guide you to a deep understanding of your unique individuality, your loving purpose, and why you choose to be in this world at this time in your life.

Experience Clarity

Creating ClarityA sense of clarity allows you to learn from situations you have experienced in this life. You can easily find additional keys as you need them to open any closed doors that appear in your future. Whenever a door appears that is closed as you open it you are able to connect with your personal power. Your keys always help you open doors to abundance, and help you realize new and powerful possibilities.

Now it is time to draw all you have realized, discovered, and remembered while on this journey into your heart. You know you can trust your mind’s ability to grasp this information and use it in the most useful ways.

This heart and mind wisdom will always instinctively know how to balance and remain fully accessible. You’re a beautiful blend of your higher and true self and the person you feel yourself to be.

Pause for a moment or two. Allow your heart to recognize the desire of your mind that wants to help you learn and discover what is most important.

Take another moment or two and pause again. Witness as your mind realizes the wisdom of your heart and its ability to guide you to what you value most…what is most dear to your authentic nature.

Embrace Heart and Mind Harmony

Moving into the heartNow take another moment to experience again your heart and mind in harmony.

As you inhale and exhale your breathe gently assists you to awaken present and clear minded from this compassionate and light filled state.  You awaken refreshed and alert, ready to continue your day.

It is comforting to know at any time you wish your body and senses will lovingly help you remember the knowledge gained during this state of expanded awareness.

Now, slowly count from five to one.

Five: You feel the connection to your body and the room where you are laying of sitting.

Four: The outside world is more apparent as your attention moves to your surroundings.

Three: You gently open your eyes and look around you.

Two: With mental clarity, trust, and courage you are now able to discern what is your highest and best choice in any given moment.

One: You are now fully awake, aware, and ready to go about your day with clarity, peace of mind, and a happy heart.

You may also enjoy reading Alana’s answers to questions others have about self judgment and judging others.

To learn more about heart mind balance, visit > Explore Alana’s Answers on the Power of Discernment

Bridging Differences: The Art of a Compassionate Marriage

All too often we receive questions for Alana asking advice on relationship and marriage conflicts.

A love relationship will have its ups and downs because this is a part of cohabitation and sharing a life together.

But why are some relationships more compatible while others are filled with power struggles and conflicts?

In the following question and answer session, Alana helps the questioner find clarity. Alana assists in creating a space to move beyond a dysfunctional cycle of trying to figure out who is wrong and who is right, into a space of curiosity and self exploration.

Alana’s answer uses a relationship quiz developed by Kirk VandenBerghe for defining personal values. This is a perfect tool for couples to take independently or together. The information gained can help reveal relationship compatibilities and differences so couples can have greater self-awareness and begin building common ground for resolving their issues with one another.

Question for Alana: Hi, Alana. My husband and I have been married nine years now and could use some relationship help.

From the start, we have had small irritations. But recently the tolerance levels have come down a lot.

He feels that he is doing so much for our family and me and that I am not reciprocating. I feel that I am giving up so much of what I am for him and our family and still not getting a breather from the issues he seems to have with me.

I have been reading up a lot on past lives and wonder if it’s something there that is causing us to go round and round.

Should I back down or stand up for what I think are unnecessary comments and expectations?

I feel that I have put up and heard enough. But I can’t make out who is right. Obviously, everyone does and says what they think is right. It may not matter, but I feel rather stuck and not sure how to break the cycle.

Alana’s Answer: Greetings, Dear One, and thank you for posting your question and for acknowledging your desire to better understand the dynamics in your love relationship. Let’s see if we can find a way to change this cycle expressed in your marriage.

First, let us view your question from several different perspectives so we may find a more productive way to expand the communication within your marriage. This can help the two of you find greater common ground. Then Alana will point you to a series of exercises, which when taken to heart and acted upon, can help to expand your capacity to support each other on your shared life path.

Many couples do have shared past life experiences, which can sometimes be fascinating to explore. There are so many factors we could examine from a physical and spiritual perspective that might bring an “ah ha” experience. However, this may not aid in helping the two of you learn to be together with greater compatibility.

Relationship Differences

IndifferenceAlso, couples often get caught up in the day-to-day needs to the extent that they forget the simplicity of connectedness, which is based on love and respect for each other’s exceptional beingness. Many couples have yet to view their relationship as a team, a co-creative partnership.

We are all the same in our desire to share love, yet at the same time we are unique. This leads some couples to share more compatibility traits than others. Sometimes couples are drawn together because of their differences so they can learn how to further develop aspects of themselves.

Sometimes people are drawn together on an emotional level, later realizing they lack mental and spiritual compatibility. They connect on one level and it becomes the magnet that draws them together, forgetting to notice if they are compatible in other ways.

Does this doom the relationship over time? Sometimes, if the couples are not willing to grow to understand each other’s full natures. If they would just allow impartial curiosity to move them beyond their attachments they could learn more by exploring each other’s deeper intrinsic values.

So let’s move past the need to know or be right, and seek deeper answers, which may help you both learn how to relate from a new level of awareness. Then perhaps your differences will soften because a greater understanding of your and his deeper intentions will express with greater compassion for each other’s core needs and values.

What are Your Shared Compatible Values?

Let’s create the intent to explore the deeper essence of each of your individual natures so we may find the compatible values, and the underlying facets of your natures that are expressed with the friction you describe.

This must be done by releasing a blaming state of mind as you move to a place for gathering understanding. Then a bridge can be made that will support you both. This common ground can become the bridge for better communication and understanding that transforms into compassion and relational wisdom.

For a preview of the first exercise > Discover Your Negotiable and Non-Negotiable Values

This is an exercise each of you can do. See if you can be curious during this discovery process and leave judgment behind. As you discover each of your deeper intentions, you will be shown that you are each just “who you are.” Then the actions of attempting to change the other person to accommodate each other’s needs and values will lessen.

The Art of Compromise

Before I share the next exercises let me give you an example of a couple who were blessed with a baby, their first.

The mother had a desire to stay at home and be with their baby until the infant was old enough to start school. However, the father felt they should have his mother watch the baby during the day so his wife could go back to work. He felt it was more important to have the extra income to support their lifestyle needs.

Can you see how neither choice was right or wrong? They both had different perspectives and values, which led to different needs and desires for support.

Through discovery, communication, and examination of possibility, the two found solutions.

Yes, there was compromise from both parties, but neither crossed the line of giving up their non-negotiable needs. If they would have blamed and gone on without taking the time to explore possibility, the two parents may have created resentment, adding to a mountain of misunderstanding.

They could have gone on to spin the situation and “triangulate” with the husband’s mother, which could have made matters even worse.

Instead, this couple each wanted to respect the other’s values and needs. They moved beyond blaming and needing to be right. They saw their marriage as a team effort.

A Marriage is a Team Effort

The wife discovered that her husband’s desire for her to go back to work came from a need to make sure the family remained stable. She was able to listen to him without feeling that her need to be with her child was being threatened. The husband understood his wife’s value to care for their child with her full attention. He learned her intention came from a place of love versus being selfish or denying their needs as a family. Both knew neither was right and neither was wrong, but had values they felt were important.

Eventually, the husband found a way to increase his hours at work one day a week. The wife found a way to work at home part-time, a couple days a week. Their differences were addressed. Although the extra income wasn’t quite as much as if the wife went to work full-time, it was enough to meet their needs. These options came to be because the couple created a neutral space to explore possibility. Solutions were made available because their consciousness could draw in the opportunities.

So often we forget that our conscious attention is a component of what we manifest. When we combine our attention with greater awareness, shifts of perception will open avenues to explore.

Holding this example as a model of successful relationship communication and collaboration, let us move to a series of exercises that can help build a new foundation for your marriage.

Building a Foundation for a Lasting Marriage

Smiling CoupleAlana is going to point you to a series of articles that offer questions you both can explore separately and then together.

By taking an inventory of your greater values, you will come to better understand how each of you has different needs and why they are expressed the way they are. You will come to learn why the desire for support in one area of life may be greater than another area. You may identify how your needs will never be met by changing the other person, but by becoming a fuller and more compassionate expression of yourselves.

If you can create the space for exploring this series together, your open discussion of what you learn will be very helpful in solving the irritations and demands that have been building in your relationship over time.

Even if your partner is not willing to do this with you, by doing it solo you will still learn a lot about yourself. Even self-awareness can be enough to change the dynamics in a relationship, opening space for the partner to make a shift.

Begin by becoming familiar with creating your own values list, then move on to the three-part Relationship Quiz designed to help you discover your values. Doing so will provide a better understanding of each other. This is much more than a compatibility test, as it will put you in touch with your authentic nature.

For Part One, visit > Relationship Quiz

Good luck in your exploration. May you both find greater peace and happiness.

~~ Alana