Question: I have been in a friendship for about 18 months. It began as a mentor type situation when I was thinking about changing job positions. It developed into a very beautiful connection.
Recently he has said things to me which have had nothing to do with what the relationship is about. My intentions have been from my heart yet I have known that we couldn’t be more than just friends. He told me that I have made him uncomfortable because he didn’t know what to expect. I let him know that I come from a place of love and nothing else. I have no expectations. I told him that if he wishes me to leave his life, if that is what makes him happy, I shall do so. I have great love and respect for this man. This friendship has been a place of joyousness. I would like some insight on the misunderstandings in this relationship.
Thank you so much.
Answer: Hello dear one, thank you for bringing your relationship question to Alana. It is delightful to hear from you. It feels that your relationship began within a framework or context. It started off with a certain intent as you shared of your nature and he shared of his nature. Then it bridged from the mentor vibration into a looser expression. Next, a friendship began. As the friendship began it brought with it projections and mixed feelings. The feelings were related to other parts of one’s life and shared within the context of this evolving relationship. Alana is sensing that sorting these feeling wishes to happen by your friend but he is having confusion about how to maintain the previous sense of the relationship in the context of the new boundaries. This brings up confusion for him about what is appropriate and where connection begins and ends.
We can never fully understand another individual because we are not them. However, we can have compassion and a sense of well being for them. The most generous and kind gesture that we can do for another is giving them clarity of ourselves. Dear one, you can go back into your nature and commicate your personal truth as you connect to self honesty, such as, ” When I am around you I feel and when we talk and share ideas I also feel…”. Communicate about who you are. In other words, give a greater definition of your nature.
This will release him from feeling that he is the reason why you are who you are. In other words, you will be communicating about what already exist within you. He is a mirror for you to recognize aspects of your nature but he is not responsible for who you are. By doing this, you also give him an example of how to communicate his truth, and how to recognize that what he is feeling is really about him. It is not about you. Your presence is a mirror for him to see himself.
Alana hopes that this has given you a tool to work with. That by creating more clarity in your communication will assist you both in determining how to maintain a comfortable relationship between you.
Stay in your heart dear one. Your heart will never lead you astray. It is when our minds confuse us by judging, judging ourselves and then judging our judgment that is what creates so much confusion. Also when we move into the past and move into the future, being everywhere but the now is another way we get confused. If we stay within the present moment, communicate with our hearts, and give information to others about how we feel, who we are, it gives them space to recognize that they have power to discern for themselves as well. This releases entanglement because we are not giving others power over ourselves. It helps us stay true to our values and what is important to us.
Thank you dear one for your question and hopefully the answer has given you some tools to work with.