Question: How do I learn to really love myself? I have spent a lifetime of being interested and involved in other people’s lives, but not my own. If others don’t go out of their way to show me that they love me, then I feel unloved and unlovable. From this, I feel devoid of self love and could use some spiritual guidance.
Answer: Thank you, dear one, for your beautiful question. The honesty that you brought forth is very much appreciated. You see, so few people have felt themselves enough to be able to distinguish where their self-worth and values come from. The fact that you are aware is very good. By “good,” I mean that when one becomes aware of a quality within them, it means they are at a place where they can now begin making conscious choices. So, now we can celebrate. We can celebrate that you are beginning to learn how to find a path into yourself and to find that your worth comes from within you!
It is delightful when others validate us, yes? It is delightful when we get to see others around us and recognize they are mirrors of our nature. The more that you grow into having a love affair with your nature, the more opportunities you are going to have to look outside yourself and ask, “What quality of mirrors do I want in my life?”
You can ask yourself, “What type of people, what kind of situations, will bring me joy?” As you do this, you will begin to notice that you are making more and more conscious choices. Perhaps you will see that when an individual is not as kind as you would like them to be, you will be able to communicate honestly to them and say, “You know, I don’t feel good about that. It does not feel good to me.” By expressing this kind of honesty, you will find that you are “holding them able” and you are creating a clear definition about yourself. You have also declared what kind of mirrors you would like to have in your life. A mirror is a reflection that tells you about your values. It tells you about your needs. Actually, just recognizing this is an action of self-love.
Now, let’s get to a deeper explanation of self-love. Look at the journey of exploring what it is that makes you happy and what is within your own scope of expressions. Perhaps you could go on an inner journey and discover what your life could look like if you embraced the very things that interest you. Ask yourself these two questions:
- — If I could do anything I wanted right now, what would it be?
- — If I were ten years older right now, and I knew more fully who I truly am, and then acted upon my nature, what would my life look like?
Go into an exploration of yourself and then you will find self love will begin to ignite.
Another thing you can do is to continue to learn how to say no when things do not please you. You will find by doing this you will create more and more opportunities to say yes!
I hope this answer gives you a few ideas to explore. Thank you, dear one.