Advice for Creating a Relationship through Self Love

Question: I have been in an emotionally abusive marriage for 25 years. I have tried to make it work, but after all this time I am giving up.

Meanwhile I have met this wonderful young man who has helped me through hard times. He opened my eyes to so much. We do not have a physical relationship, however we both want one. I am leaving my husband soon, but because I haven't left yet, my friend will no longer talk with me. He is 20 years younger than I am. He does not know there is so much of an age difference. He believes I'm much younger. I didn't do anything to change his belief. I miss this man so very much. I am going to contact him when I leave my husband. Meanwhile, it's been 3 months without contact and I am wondering if he is still interested in me. I am in love with this man and don't know what to do. Am I wrong about his feelings? I feel that he is thinking of me all the time. I know he is probably continuing with his life, but I need to know if he still cares or I need closure. Please help me...

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Answer: Dear one, thank you for bringing Alana your question. It feels like you are in a very important time of your life. You are at a threshold and your future will spring forth from what you cultivate now.

You already recognize that if you continue creating, relating, and maintaining the circumstances in your life in the same pattern then your future will come from the same sort of vibration. While on this threshold and in this time of your life, it is important for you to spend time developing the a deeper relationship with yourself. You will benefit greatly with this as your primary focus. You see the outer world gives back to us the same qualities that we give to ourselves. Therefore, develop a loving relationship with yourself. Ask yourself many questions. Get to know what pleases you and what you desire.

Ask yourself what you want and for what you are thirsty.

Ask what opens your passion and leads to self-discovery.

What gives you a sense of self-value?

The threshold of your future relationships will develop from the beautiful relationship that you are developing with yourself.

Alana is wishing to help you understand how to become a magnetic vibration where you can attract vast amounts of love. I am pointing you in the direction that will prepare you for what you are capable of receiving.

In wishing clarity or closure with this other individual I can tell you that you brought them into your life for several reasons. One reason is for you take a closer look at what you are capable of manifesting. Another reason is you are creating a doorway to see possibilities. I feel this individual is moving forward in his life. He still holds you with great thought. I cannot tell you whether or not the two of you will come together in the future. That is up to the two of you to create. I can tell you how to prepare for the possibility so when a door opens it will manifest your dreams rather than remaining in the pain of feeling rejected.

Dear one, take this time and discover more about yourself in a vast ways. Get in touch with what you feel your nature is and grow from there. Begin to build a vaster relationship with possibility and check in with your dreams. Sense them and turn to your dreams. Continue to turn towards that which you chose to create while letting go of what isn't.

In other words, put energy in what you want in your life rather than dwelling on what isn't there. Acknowledge what you want and thank yourself for bringing this awareness to your attention. Next, turn towards what you do want. By turning towards what you do want (acknowledging how you want you life to look, feel, and be) you are also cultivating a relationship with yourself. Cultivate this relationship and empower yourself by

acknowledging that you deserve,

that you are beautiful,

that you are gracious,

that you have vast possibilities.

From this energy and threshold you will manifest love. I do see you deserving of that. I also see that you are at a very crucial place within your life and that you wish to have love.

Thank you dear one for bringing forth this question. Alana hopes that these words have given you ideas to help you bring clarity to your life and create a foundation for lasting love. Also, to help you understand how to develop a grander sense of self, a sense of self-value and self-love. This way your future relationships will revolve around your new image and the relationships that are existing in your life now will either heal or release.

Thank you.

Alana

 

 

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By Jillene
2010-06-23 19:45:24
 

I have been married for nineteen years and have a son who is almost fifteen. My husband has been in and out of many jobs, mostly commission based, and mostly unsupportable with failing income. We have been in extreme financial pressure, having to sell our home and struggle for groceries and inability to pay the bills. We never have money to go out or go shopping, can't even afford to go out for coffee. I have had good jobs and have been supporting the family and even trying to pay for his business expenses in the absence of his income as much as I can manage, but my income is not enough. I also have a Saturday job, all the income gets gobbled up in the losses. On top of all this he continually gives me verbal abuse, for example he calls me fat when I'm only marginally overweight. I realize, probably to make himself feel better and he also runs my family down hurling hurtful comments about them, for example comparing every freak he sees on TV with them as a joke which I tell him time and time again isn't funny. He resents the time I spend with my music, both practicing at home and out at rehearsals, and the time I spend with church activities. He attempts lessen my involvement with the church community which I have found so supportive and my faith has kept me going. I would of course like him to participate with me, but he will not. I think he might be worried about what I might be telling my friends, especially from church as often what he says amongst them is not really truthful. He exaggerates and bends the truth to the point it isn't the truth, and sometimes I wonder if he even realizes he is lying. I just feel I am living my life alone anyway with a husband who can't get his act together employment wise and always running me down. We go around and around this cycle with me asserting myself as I've learned to do with counseling for depression, and he behaves himself for a while after I threaten to leave, but then we come back to the way it was again. He won't go to counseling with me. I feel nineteen years of marriage is too much to throw away if there is a chance to make it better, and I have enough feelings for him to be concerned of how he would manage if I left. I realize that if the financial stress was removed the behavior would improve a bit and that the employment issues have been out of his control, but will he ever learn to stop abusing me? What should I do?

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