Question: I have a really difficult time with my parents. My Mum in particular. I have parents who are alcoholics. My mother makes me really mad and I say some pretty bad things to her. I feel as though I am lecturing her all the time. I feel really bad about the way that I treat her and I try to stop, but I feel as though she wants to provoke it. I feel like I am acting like my father who no longer lives with her. I am always wondering what karma brought me to this point? And how can I stop being so abusive to her and learn how to manage my anger?
Answer: Hello, dear one! Alana is delighted that you brought your question. Alana has much compassion for you. When an individual grows up in a family where there is addiciton on alcohol or drugs, it creates much confusion in the family dynamic.
So, Alana can sense that you are looking for ways to channel your emotions and channel your feelings. Your mother has been repeating certain patterns that she knows. Yes, I can understand where your anger would come from and I can understand why you may find yourself wanting to repeat the pattern that your father expressed. It is up to you, dear one, to begin to break this cycle and there are ways you can manage your anger. It is not just up to you to break this cycle, but up to you perhaps to bring about a new level of awareness.As you do so you can begin to break the disfunctional cycle so that it does not occur in next generations.
This is not easy. It takes a certain level of awareness and a decision to seek knowledge and surround yourself with individuals that have knowledge in this area as well. Individuals who have explored the area of dependency and created models to heal the conditioning that occurs in the family where addiction to substances is present. So, Alana feels that what you might do is seek individuals that have alcoholic parents, and seek support groups to help you learn how to release your anger, grief, sadness and the difficulties that are still within your memories.
We hold in our body memories. We hold in our body emotions. We hold in our body patterns. They are all there because we want to be loved. These aspects within you are really there to support you. The recalled memories often create emotional responses that are about the past. So, dear one, find within your environment healthy individuals that have a greater understanding about addiction and family dynamics and learn from them.
It is up to you to begin to bring a new awareness into your family. Alana feels that you are beginning to do so. It is not up to you though, to take on another’s life or to save them from themselves. But shed light, bring light, educate yourself and be an example.
Thank you, dear one, for your question.