Question: Less than two months ago I re-entered into a loving relationship with someone from my past. I have loved him for a very long time, but now that we are back together I am starting to feel insecure. Part of the problem is that my mate seems to have a lot of female friends, as well as an eye for the ladies. In other ways he is very respectful and attentive. When we are together I truly believe that we are meant to be together, but when we are apart my imagination works overtime. How can I learn to trust? Trusting other people has never come easy for me. I fear being let down if I develop trust in my partner, but I also fear that my jealousy may actually be more of a problem than my mate’s potential supposed infidelity. He is starting to become offended by my lack of trust even as he constantly reassures me that nothing is amiss and that he wants only me–now and in the future. Can you help me sort this out? I could use some relationship advice.
Answer: Hello, dear one, thank you for presenting this wonderful question. Your question brings up many different subjects that we could discuss, so I will break them down into a few different topics. This way we can explore your concerns and help to bring clarity to the various dimensions of this question.
The first thing Alana would like to talk about is the dynamic of self-worth, or what we could call “the awareness of deserving love.” There is an undercurrent within your question that could relate to a subconscious belief about not fully being worthy of love. You might take a look at this deserving issue. Notice where this thought might exist within your nature. Examine your past to get a sense of where a seed thought or belief of not being worthy of love could have been planted. Sometimes this thought begins at birth. At other times a belief like this can be formed if we do not receive the amount of support we would like. An example could be a household where several siblings have to share our parent’s love. There are many ways these types of limiting beliefs can be implanted within our being.
Alana invites you to notice if this inner dynamic lies within your nature. If so, you can reshape this belief into a wonderful new belief. You can begin by affirming that you are a being who is worthy of receiving love, one who allows herself to bask in the delight of support.
Now let’s talk about jealousy. When jealousy exists, there is a thread or aspect of a person’s nature that doubts their divinity and what they have to offer. This brings up many types of insecurity. You might look at what the trigger is that ignites your jealousy. Alana feels there could be some unresolved anger from the past where you felt powerless and cut off. There could have been relationships either in this life, or past lives, where you were not able to speak your truth and to come forward to share the things that were important to you. There may be an underlying current of anger generated from this feeling, this sense of separation from your divinity.
On this spiritual level, this problem suggests that you are learning how to deepen your relationship with God, All-That-Is, Spirit, The Universe–whatever name you prefer–I’ll just use the word “Spirit” for the moment. When we have a wonderful and powerful relationship with Spirit, then our nature is fueled and filled with love. From this place we are able to melt all issues like jealousy because we feel grounded, whole, and complete. We know that we are worthy of love. Awareness of issues like you’ve brought up are incredible opportunities to heal any sense of separation that lies within your inner being.
Another component of your question brings up the issue of trust. Trusting others always boils down to trusting ourselves. Trust is created from the blending of our intuition and sensitivity, combined with the ability to reason and embrace our analytical nature. When we learn to trust ourselves, it allows all aspects of our being to come into synthesis. When we trust ourselves, we don’t discount our emotions, feelings, or the questioning of our mind. When we learn self-trust, our mind is not in the driver’s seat all the time, nor do we stay within our vacillating emotions. We learn to listen to our feelings and have them educate us.
Our feelings are the roots of our senses, and our emotions are the by-products of our feelings. Our feelings can teach us a lot about ourselves. They point us to our values, those people, places, and things that are important to us. Knowing our feelings, and our values helps us discover, helps us learn how to trust ourselves. Once we develop the ability to reference our inner nature, we know how to trust ourselves. Then we become able to reason, sense, and blend our mind with our heart.
Self-trust leads to self-honesty, and self-honesty helps us to develop greater levels of self-trust. When we have self-trust, we are able to reason what our outer world wants to teach and show us. From this understanding of self-trust and self-honesty, can you see how your partner is helping you develop a greater self-referencing nature? How he is supporting you in learning that you are deserving of love?
Before we conclude, Alana has one more thought that comes forward: our nature always wants to keep us safe and protect us. Therefore, we often develop parts within our natures that want to create conflicts, which creates inertia. This unconscious strategy creates the illusion that we have enough distance to keep us safe from becoming too vulnerable or too involved.
You might want to ask your inner self if you are afraid of surrendering deeply to love. This could be a component of the jealousy. You can discover if you are creating obstacles in your relationship, so that you can be continually reassured that you are cared for, while keeping enough distance and control to give a part of you a sense of safety. Embrace any aspect of your nature that wants to be protected and wants to be sure. Let it know that it is eternal and always connected to love. In this way it will ease the mental fear from becoming obsessive. It will give you more permission to relax and to let love be present within your life without having to continually create reasons to remind yourself that you are loved.
Alana hopes that what I have shared will give you some thoughts to consider and a bit more understanding about the dynamics of your question. It is a beautiful question to explore and Alana heart thanks you for bringing it forward.