Question: I have been in a sweet relationship with a man for 4 years, and he is very considerate, kind, and funny. However, a couple of months after moving in with me he no longer wanted to sleep with me. He says there is nothing physically wrong, but that sexuality is not important to him. He does not want to go seek professional help on this issue even though I am feeling quite rejected.
I believe him when he says he loves me, but I have no expression in my life of sexuality, and it is important to me. I have become very confused. I would like to work this out, but I am afraid that I have let the issue go for too long. Can you throw some light my way please?
Answer: Hello, dear one! Thank you for your question.
When people are attracted to each other and move in with one another there is a learning curve that happens. It feels like the two of you are grand friends in your relationship. But, Alana suggests that you look at your relationship the way it exists, and acknowledge how it is. In other words, it feels that your relationship is one of great compatibility. One where you enjoy many of the same things as well as each other’s company. But, it feels that your relationship has moved from one of a romantic nature into one that is more about grand friendship.
Perhaps, you could examine your feelings for this individual and ask yourself if it would make you more comfortable to acknowledge the relationship of one of just companionship. See how that feels for you.
Then it is important that you honor all aspects of yourself. If you cut off an area of your life that is a grand expression of you, your energy will dim and your light will become less than who you are. Alana suggests that the two of you speak honestly with each other. Talk about what you value and what is important to you both, and what is ideal for you. By doing this you will begin to respect what is in your relationship, rather than fearing what isn’t.
Sometimes we create relationships in our lives so that we can learn unconditional love. Sometimes we create relationships where we suppress an aspect of our nature so we can learn how to love another unconditionally. It is delightful when we learn how to be ourselves fully, and still love others unconditionally. Then we can have synergistic relationships where we come together with respect for one another and compatibility exists with full expression of both parties.
So, dear one, Alana feels that you are learning that you can find love and have love. I also feel that you are learning how to honor yourself too. It feels in this relationship you have grown, and you have learned, Please do respect all that is important to you. Tell your friend what you need and what is important for you to have in your life. Perhaps you both will be able to acknowledge what are the most valuable expressions of your relationship, and then honor what truly exists.
Thank you, dear one, for this question. It is always delightful when there is confusion to have a professional individual that is non-partial to assist in creating clarity. But, if your friend will not do this, then perhaps you could seek some for yourself to talk too. This will help greatly help you understand the importance of your needs and how your needs are really expressions that want to be felt in your life.
Thank you, dear one, for your question. Alana appreciates your joy, honesty, and the light that exists within you.
–Alana
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