This is article 2 of 17 in the Authentic Self Series, to start from the beginning, click > Table of Contents
Kirk: Can you give some specific actions we can take for self-discovery?
I think it is really important to remember as we do these specific exercises and tasks as outlined in the series that a lot of us are busy. Most of us are not going to go to a cave in the mountains and spend a month at a time meditating.
Some of us can, but most of us can’t. So how do we take the steps to realize what is our authentic nature? What is the first thing you would suggest?
Step One – Take Time To Affirm Who I Am
Alana: First of all, begin to recognize that you are a very important individual. You are also so very precious. Begin by setting aside time for yourself. Because if you don’t, as the saying goes, you will continue to always get the types of things you have always gotten. You have to create space in your life for self-discovery. You have to set aside time to nurture yourself as a vital step in self-care.
Kirk: What do say to the people, for example, who have young children? I can hear them saying, “What time? Between one and two in the morning?” What do people with so little time do?
Alana: They take the time; they find the time, which essentially means they create a space within themselves to become conscious of self-discovery.
Kirk: So they make a decision to begin to be more conscious and aware as well as find whatever amount of time they can find. He or she takes time to do the processes you are describing. What is the minimum time a person can invest to discover who they are? What is the minimum time that they can do this per day? Again, I’m thinking of some people that are really busy.
Alana: What is beautiful about taking time, even it is a very small amount of time, a small step consistently accumulates into a giant leap. As you create whatever amount of time that you can create you will begin to create a new habit. You build a new habit by saying to yourself, “Each day I am going to take a moment to calm myself, move into my center, to ground, to breathe, and acknowledge that I am a beautiful, wonderful human being who is also a very vast and precious soul.”
Now, you can do that in just a few seconds! Realize this isn’t just about time, it is also about becoming more conscious.
Kirk: Yes, so becoming conscious and then doing as you say is something we can do in even less than a minute.
Alana: Yes. So this is the first step. It is a very powerful creative action that helps to make us strong.
Kirk: I have a saying that I like, that I heard from Dan Millman: “A lot of a little bit is better than a little bit of a lot.” For example, it is better to floss your teeth every day, than to floss your teeth all day once a year.
Alana: I would say so! That is a very interesting way to phrase it. Thank you, Kirk, I like that.
So this is the first step:
Create moments in your day to reflect on your beauty. This new habit by itself–even if an individual just did this first step–is going to begin to start a new energy. It is going to begin to kick in the other things that I am going to talk about. Transformation will begin to happen automatically from the action of this first step.
Kirk: One thing that I have suggested to people for many years is to do that kind of affirmation out loud, and do it while looking into the mirror–while looking into their own eyes. What do you think of that?
Alana: I think that is beautiful. You see, some people get very caught up in fear within a day. They may feel they are victims; they may feel that they are living their life for everyone else. They may feel they have to work at a job that they dislike because they have to bring in money to support their families. When this kind of energy continues to build, it turns into more tension and stress. And this stress and tension build into more expectations, which bring in more collective expectation. The ball keeps rolling and they get more and more out of touch with their beauty and their divinity–with their authentic nature.
Kirk: And when we are out of touch with our authentic nature, we then make decisions that are in alignment with this out of touch state.
Kirk: It reinforces those old illusions.
Kirk: So this is the first step: A daily affirmation. It doesn’t have to take a lot of time. It is positive and it is something that we say that reminds us of who we really are.
What if somebody says, “I can’t say that. I don’t think that is true about me. I don’t think I am really an incredible, ancient human being.” What if someone has a lot of self-judgment right now? How do they start from where they are?
Alana: Then they say, “I am okay.”
Kirk: What if they don’t feel okay?
Alana: Then they say, “I am not okay, but I would like to feel okay.”
You begin wherever you can begin.
The action and learning that will come from this step is really about beginning to turn energy toward recognizing that you, too are a deserving being in this world. Do you see?
Kirk: Yes, that’s very clear. So the very first step is–if they can’t make an affirmation that is in alignment with their authentic self–is to simply start with where they are right now.
Alana: Yes. They say, “I am who I am.” Saying “I am who I am” is very powerful because it is the beginning of acknowledging self. Acknowledging one’s self is the first step for creating a magnificent transformation!
Step One Follow-Up Questions
Kirk: Why did you choose to begin this nine-step process with “Take Time To Affirm Who You Are” as the first step? Why is this the foundation of the process?
Alana: The reason Alana chose this as the first step in Discovering Your Authentic Self, is because self-awareness engages the heart. Willingness to be open, connect with one’s passion, and having desire expands one’s sense of self. This allows greater fulfillment to enter into one’s life.
Essentially by affirming the pleasing, loving, delightful, and free-flowing qualities that exist within one’s self, it assists in opening and shining light on the heart. This way a greater capacity to feel love, have love, and create love is achievable through this foundation, built upon awareness.
Alana has always found that the first step in any type of personal-growth model embraces self-love. This is because it is the basis for creating a foundation that is necessary for any type of growth or healing to ever really occur.
Kirk: How would you reply to someone who might question why would we start a spiritual process with focusing in on our selves? Some people think that spirituality is not about self, but rather about focusing in on others.
Alana: Unless you can move into your center and ground in the present moment with love and clarity, it will be very difficult to ever give to another the qualities that equal one’s capacity to share love. In other words,…
…when we come from a full place, we are much more apt to give fullness. From there we are more apt to receive back what will, in turn, enrich our lives.
Kirk: Thank you. There may be people who have difficulty with the process of identifying things that really seem special about them. Whether this is a process that they do in an hour or two, just a few minutes, or actively purse being more conscious consistently, they may wonder what could be that special about me.
Alana: Alana suggests that they reflect back into their memory banks. They can begin by tracing through their life experiences. Perhaps they can go back to childhood and think of something they did or experienced that made them feel really good. Then they can proceed up the timeline, perhaps to the age of eleven or twelve. They can look for situations that occurred in their life where a sense of contribution was felt.
Now they can go up the timeline a little further, say to fourteen or fifteen. Again look for some kind of accomplishment or memory that sparks a good feeling. As they refresh their memories while relating to the timeline–moving up to the present, celebrating the things they felt good about, and what was satisfying for them–this will ignite sparks of energy.
This remembrance will act as a bridge, and aids in bringing these acknowledgments into the present moment.
This step is really about igniting one’s “fireflies” that lie within.
They can now flit (to stay with my firefly metaphor) into this present moment and spark creativity and imagination. This self-love step can become a foundational experience to catapult the discovery that this nine-step process wishes to ignite. Begin by affirming qualities within that have led to a sense of self-appreciation. This can help in building a self-love foundation.
Kirk: I think there might be some people that start to create their list, and then feel a bit of self-judgment or perhaps shyness. They may also feel that the qualities that they become aware of are not any big deal; that they’re only small things.
The Accumulation of Small Acts
Alana: The accumulation of small things are much more expressive on a consistent level than one huge thing.
Here are a couple of examples:
When a parent takes the time to tuck their children into bed at night. They kiss them on the cheek and tell them to have pleasant dreams. The love shared at that moment may seem insignificant and may seem matter-of-fact, but it is an affirmation. It is a dear connection.
When a person makes sure that they say, “Hey, have a great day” before they hang up the phone, that statement may seem repetitive and unconscious, but really it is a blessing. These small gestures accumulate, and they are very significant expressions.
Kirk: I’d like to share an example, Alana. Recently a small dove hit our window here in Hawaii. Sandy ran outside and found it laying on the ground unconscious. She placed her hands around it and sent it loving energy. When she could tell that it was still alive, she brought the bird into our home and put it in a box. Although I helped a little, Sandy took the lead in caring for the bird.
At first, this young dove couldn’t even sit upright. But Sandy worked with the bird, gently helping it to trust her. She was able to feed and give it water several times a day. She would massage the bird’s neck and little body. Daily she helped the bird exercise. She would hold it in her lap and helped it walk and flap its wings a bit more each day. The bird clearly enjoyed the healing attention.
Eventually, we were able to release the dove, and we were both thrilled as it soared off into the sky. I know Sandy felt very moved throughout this experience.
Using this example for the step one’s “Take Time To Affirm Who You Are”, if this memory came to Sandy’s mind while she was doing the process, how would she translate this into the kinds of acknowledgments you are suggesting?
Alana: The value I first notice in this example is caring about all of life.
Kirk: So she may write, “I care about all living creatures.”
Alana: Yes. She made a choice on where to focus her time. She may have felt she had a lot of “shoulds” on her task list, but she chose to direct time to the life of this small bird.
This tells us she discerned her priorities are often more impersonal than personal. This didn’t mean that she placed love for the bird over love for herself. “Impersonal” does not mean “selfless”. It expressed that nature may be more important to her than other things.
Kirk: So she might also write down something like, “Nature is important to me.” Whatever comes into her mind, correct?
Alana: Yes. She may notice that greater fulfillment came into her being from helping the bird than perhaps doing something on her task list that could have financially supported her.
Kirk: Sandy has spoken to large groups, she has been on television, she has a web site that has received millions of page views from around the world. Those could be considered “big things”. However, no one knew about her encounter with this gentle dove. It wasn’t something that would be considered a really big deal.
So, anyone can look at their life and find things to acknowledge, it doesn’t have to be anything that made the news!
Alana: That is correct dear one. When you go into Sandy’s being and you feel the joy that came from the bird encounter, that expanded the love within her more than what she may have received if she had been in front of a large group of people and received much applause or a large check afterward. These are the types of things that are really important to notice while working with step one.
Kirk: I hope this is encouraging for people while they are doing this process. That they know that there are no big things and there are no little things.
If our heart is touched–even if no one knows or another person doesn’t appear to be touched–that is what matters.
This is because a lot of life is made of these little things. We can learn more about ourselves by acknowledging these everyday events. As we begin to identify what makes us feel alive, engaged, and enriched it begins to point us to aspects of our authentic nature.
Alana: Yes! This is what ignites the spark of self-love as well. This is what the step, “Take Time to Affirm Who You Are” is all about.
To view the next post in this series, click > If I Just Didn’t Have To, I’d Be Happy If …